What the election means for UK green issues – greenest or meanest government ever?

Nine years ago, overlord lizard chief David Cameron hugged a husky. Together with his crusty sidekick Clegg, they harked on about being ‘The Greenest Government Ever’.

I thought his intention had been to squeeze the poor husky’s life away. But overlord Cameron had other ideas. It seems this was his cold reptilian farewell embrace – before condemning this and every other living being to infernal damnation. Fuck the planet – the rich will always be voraciously greedy. They can afford to adapt to a cranked-up climate.

The conservatives have had a diabolical record on green issues in the last parliament. Trying to sell 748,000 hectares of our trees, and permitting the persecution of buzzards and badgers. As I’ve investigated, onshore wind approvals have halved – and the satanic bible, AKA the conservative manifesto, proposes ceasing support.

Whilst they’ve prodded PV and helped heat pumps and low-carbon heating a little, we remain floundering third from last in Europe’s renewable rankings. Instead, it’s fracking; state-aided French nuclear; and diesel-powered back-up generators. Oh, and the carbon capture and storage – a pointless stop-gap, beset with delays.

Harping on about jobs and growth, the Tories’ atrocious meddling in energy policy has cost livelihoods. A third of small solar installers lost their jobs, and nine in ten loft and cavity wall installers lost their jobs.

Thanks to global recession, advances in technology and many starting to realise our consumption addiction cannot continue: energy use and carbon emissions are down. Using statistics like the strings on a puppet, we were presented a comical show.

Now it’s all change. Onshore wind isn’t the only bullet in lizard chief’s gun.

Planning destruction

Imagine a plan. Thinking of detailed instructions of how to do things? Me and many others were horrified when the coalition ‘condensed’ national planning policy had 95% of its content stripped.

It’s illogical to isolate development planning from energy planning, and climate change from environment, food and rural affairs. Maybe that’s how the former stopped local areas setting their own enforceable sustainable housing and energy targets – and the latter was run by the out-and-proud septic climate sceptic Owen Patterson, who thought biodiversity management was like moving beans: Surely, you can remove loads from here, and plant a few here?

No, you imbecile. Endangered animals, including two of my favourites – tigers and pandas – face extinction because they’ve been hemmed in by humanity-lined cages.

The treasury is a cancerous malevolent shadow, seeping into every wound, seeking to deepen our pain. Onshore wind will have zero support or favour from foul-breathed Gideon and his cohorts. I can already sense his demonic well-heeled hoofs bracing against any climate-friendly (or even society-friendly?) green shoots.

Their other (d)evolution was neighbourhood planning, under the Royston Vasey themed Localism Act. Originally, we were told communities were to be given real power to plan their futures. Instead, we’re left to arrange furniture in a shoddy house central government policy built for us. Second-hand, of course, as we’re not allowed to spend anything. Thanks austerity, you ill-informed beast.

There’s very little strategic mention of localism or ‘Big Society’ now -it seems communities will only have the final say on onshore wind. Everything else – everything that damages our planet – is for the greater good. It’s become apparent that, although volunteers aid and improve millions of lives, we still need paid professional public positions.

Adapt or die

It’s often said human’s greatest trait is our adaptability. Perhaps that’s why some of us treat the planet with such reckless abandon. However, when it comes to climate change, our Eton lizard rulers want more sunshine. Like the Daily Mail readers, they fail to grasp climate change isn’t palm beaches for everyone. Even that would be terrible. Their record on green adaptation and resilience has and continues to look shocking.

Lying to us about flood defence, then plodding round in wellies, PR agents aplenty as they pretend they’re from zumerzet. You think they’d learn, but their lack-lustre approach leaves many disillusioned.

Perhaps the greatest adaption we can make to save pandas, tigers…even wasps…is to construct buildings to our best, and insulate our existing ones. However, the last design criteria for buildings was preposterously 70% more pathetic than proposed – at least Scotland stuck to their guns.  ‘Zero-carbon’ buildings now have a cheat – up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start…and don’t count things you can unplug.

Our existing homes face a worse fate. Blindly and manically flaying the corpse of an ill-conceived finance mechanism – the Tories look set to continue proclaiming this Green Deal carcass as our silver bullet, wheeling it out whenever there’s mention of mountains crumbling into the sea or energy bills driving disparity between wages and costs of living.

Despite being ‘privately financed’, the teetering-on-oblivion finance company and uptake incentives continue to be handed blank cheques. At what point will they accept defeat, add flesh to the skeletal remains in the form of publicly financed low-interest loans, and giving people greater freedom on how these are invested?

Don’t Sail Away

Society’s savaging of planet earth isn’t a light switch. There’s a broad spectrum of fuck-up. We’ve gone beyond cut and bruised, and instead – as a collective – are hacking blindly at mother nature. We need not and must not kill her.

Unlike the light switch, we can’t suddenly swap sides. It’ll take time to build resilient communities, who don’t feel the need to travel far and wide, or have their needs met from a global market. We’re not going Green at the next general election, but I hope they win more seats – and influence Labour to be a little less neo-capitalist, and more opposed to climate-denying fascists.

We cannot admit defeat – as the only thing we’d be admitting is our destruction of mother nature. We are our own worst enemy. We must all do what we can, and influence others to do their share; make saving our climate the norm, using it to galvanise political and societal direction.

Now the Tories have an overall majority, all is not lost: but our country’s fear and loathing will cost our earth dearly.

One thought on “What the election means for UK green issues – greenest or meanest government ever?

  1. I’ve posted the first part of my view on FITs it’s aimed at the large scale steocr. I think your point might relate to the domestic steocr, where FITs are also suggested/being pushed. I’m going to post that second part in a day or so. I do agree with you though, maximising distributed generation should be one of our goals.Cheers.@Buggalugghugga (had fun typing that one in), you’re dead right, wind farms over 50 MW go through a process known as section 36 which means basically that the government makes the decision. Thing is 50 MW is a very big wind farm and so this route applies to just a few big sites (especially in space constrained England) there is a huge potential in sites of under 50 MW and these are the projects that also connect into the local distributions systems (grids) as opposed the national grid, which at 50 MW you start to have to do. I say that because it means smaller wind farms are more decentralised forms of power, generated closer to users and with less losses incurred it’s a better way to do it. Cheers.

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